The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
