I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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