I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
