one two three fourrrrnication!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
