Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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