I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
