I'm jealous of your bromance
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
