I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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