Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
