Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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