from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
