he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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