the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
