I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
