she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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