I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
