i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
