i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
