my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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