2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
