I'm going to jail i love you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
