dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
