You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
