so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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