I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
