I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What a dumb baby whore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
