She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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