Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
