Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
