doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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