he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So much rum. So many feels.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
