My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
