All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
