Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
