one two three fourrrrnication!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
