direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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