Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
