ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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