i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
