I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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