New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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