Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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