420 ftw
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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