And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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