Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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