Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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