I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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