I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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