Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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