Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
