I wish I only lived at night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
