the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
