either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
