No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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