whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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